Pooping in a Rain Jacket

I pooped in a rain jacket this morning. And by that I mean that I wore a rain jacket while pooping, not that I actually pooped into a rain jacket. That would just be weird.

There are some things in America that are nice, comfortable. Like indoor toilets. But sometimes, the alternatives can be fun.

I even have a song I made up for the occasion. Not to rip off “Sitting on a toilet”, I sing “Pooping in a rain jacket.”

It’s probably not something you’ve ever done before. Unless of course you raced home after a long coffee break on a rainy day just so you wouldn’t have to use a public Starbucks restroom. But it was probably more along the lines of

“I’m pooping and I just happen to still be wearing my rain jacket.”

As opposed to

“I put my rain jacket on solely for the purpose of the pooping.”

Please note the difference.

In fact, your thoughts about bathroom activities and weather probably don’t often intersect. Unless, of course, you’re one of those people who are scared shitless of the thunder (literally). Or maybe there’s a window by your toilet that you opt to stare out of instead of reading the paper, and, in the process, you mentally note the weather.

I, on the other hand, and my bowels, bladder, and showering habits (not to be forgotten) do think of the weather quite often.

When the weather is cold, as it is right now, and raining, as it is right now, it makes trip outside….unpleasant sometimes. And then add in that you’ve got to expose a large part of your body to the elements. Well, it just a horse ride in the snow (seemingly fun, but a little uncomfortable for the backside, wet and cold.)

So, let’s make it a game! A puzzle! Can you anticipate how much TP you’ll need? Or should you just bring the whole roll? How do you transport it, keeping it easily accessible without getting it too wet? (Personally, I tuck it under my chin with my hood up)Then, how can you minimize time and things that will get wet? For that, I sometimes (and don’t think me strange, all the African kids are doing it) strip my bottom half and run bare-ass naked all the way to my latrine.

And at this point you’re just having fun. How often have you wanted to run and jump and dance in the rain half-naked? It’s a personal daily goal for me. And I get to do it twice! Before and after pooping!

Also, pooping while water is running down your back and inevitably into your nether regions makes it feel a whole lot cleaner. A free beday, if you will. So fresh and so clean, clean, clean.

So that’s my African moment for the day:

Me: hopping, skipping, and jumping through my garden to my latrine, wearing only my oversized blue rain jacket singing “pooping in a rain jacket”.

P.S. My lyrics to that song is a bit limited. Any suggestions? Feel free to let me know. I’d love to add more stanzas to keep me busy longer. I can’t really bring the Time there with me now can I.