Today officially marks the end of my last week of college. For four weeks I've been battered, beaten, rinse cycled, wrung, and hung out to dry. I've taken classes for things I'll never use, and I've taken classes that have changed my life. I remember after my first semester coming home and mentioning that MIT wasn't the place for me. We were at dinner, our old assistant principle/friend of the family was there to dinner. I don't remember how the conversation went but it was filled with compassion, disbelief, and reasons for staying. I ended feeling like I needed to defend my doubts and came up with my mantras that I would keep for the next four years.
I might be happier somewhere else, but I wouldn't have chosen differently.
I'm staying at MIT because of the environment it fosters; it's unique and amazing.
It's MIT.
The real reasons I stayed: because deep down, I knew I could do it, even if I wasn't so sure at the time. I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
It's MIT.
The people. I don't know whether your a current student, alum, or have never been to MIT before, but let me spell it out for you. MIT attracts a special kind of person: someone who is completely driven, masochistic, super intelligent, and has already done amazing things with their lives. Ask almost any MIT student why they got into MIT and they will say two things: 1) I got in by mistake. 2) I did [something amazing, like wrote a textbook for kids on how to program].
My first week at MIT, we were sitting around watching a movie; I don't remember what it was. But I remember being amazed that such conversation could be generated by a movie in a group of teenagers. It was probably something dorky like analyzing whether or not a bomb like that could illicit that sort of explosion, but I was just blown away from day 1. Since then I've discovered that the people here are the kindest, most thoughtful, intense, driven, ambitious, creative people I have ever met. Granted, this doesn't cover everyone, but this is a blanket statement for my view of the people here, meaning it applies to ridiculous amount of them.
To top it all off, we've been through this hell hole together. We've each experienced our love/hate relationship with MIT. We've had our late nights (whether social or for psets) we've had our challenges and our disappointments, and our elations when we finally get that grade on a project we've been working for weeks on. Or our results from a three year experiment get published. The emotional turmoil of this place binds its students together. We all have this common adversary (I don't want to say enemy, because that's not what MIT is; it's more like a challenge) and we're all besting it together.
And now we have. 4 years, 37 completed classes, 186 subjects, 25 finals, and hundreds of papers later, I stand at the end of MIT career. Well lets hope so anyway. Even as I write this, doubt creeps into my mind: did I past that last final? What if I publish this and end up failing a class....... Highly unlikely but possible all the same. O well, I'd probably delete this post to save face. Anyways, I'll keep on with the assumption that I'm done.
Ahead is a crazy future. I found out today that I got the job for the summer that I wanted. Pending I pass my physical next week, I'll be working on one of the city's ambulance companies as an EMT, saving lives. Less than two weeks, I had no idea where I was going to be in a month, what I was going to be doing, or what my future looked like. Now, I'm looking into buying nose ring retainers and skirts along with EMT pants with trauma shear pockets. Life is snowballing into place, exactly where I want it to be. And I couldn't be more grateful. Except for having to pay my credit card bill today, I woke up today with nothing to do. Every morning I wake up feeling like 20 more pounds has been lifted from my shoulders. My friends are leaving, those of us who are still here are living it up, taking advantage of our limited time together. A few months from now, we'll be scattered across the globe.
And my mind returns to Turkmenistan. I feel like this blog should include Peace Corps stuff, so I may have been steering myself in this direction, but still, I always naturally end up contemplating this next chapter in my life. I'm figuring things out and starting to think about details. I filled out my life insurance policy today.... But question, and if you're reading this and you know the please comment and let me know. When I'm in this foreign country, where I have to wear skirts and pants are off limits, what do I wear to go running in!? Do I go running in a skirt? I just imagine buckets of sweat poring down my legs. I'll be my own irrigation system out there. People will know my running trail because it will be a green trail compared to the desert around me. I'm worried about bringing too much stuff and yet hold the same fear about bringing to little as well. Do I just buy everything when I'm over there? Uggggg, the details! They get to me. At least I have time to ponder.

Speaking of pondering, I have contemplated writing a couple times this week before now, but the question as to the purpose of blogging, and, in particular this blog, came to mind. I'm saying some pretty personal stuff here. Getting vulnerable. Is this for your entertainment? Or my release? Should I be sticking to one particular topic? Or write simply what's on my mind? I know these are questions I should be answering myself, but I have grappled with them all week. I guess, indicated by the fact that I wrote this blog on this topic in the first place, I seem to have come to a conclusion, but I'll try to stick to Peace Corps stuff. If you're not interested in my mundane life of preparation, paying the bills and studying for the MCATs over the next few months, feel free to check back in in September, when things will be heating up. My staging date, when I report to the Peace Corps, is 9/25/2011. The countdown begins.
When I was thinking about this blog and what to write earlier this week I came up with a great idea though (or at least I think so). My idea was that at a completely arbitrary time every week or month or so, I, and my friends and maybe followers would take a photo of where they are. Maybe the first Thursday of every month at 3:24 pm, take a picture of what you see, something like that. I don't know, I'm toying with the idea.

Anywho. I have an urge to end this post with a confession, nothing serious, but I thought you should know, and maybe I just want to say it.

I'm not brushing my teeth tonight. I'm signing off and going straight to bed. So HA gingivitis and my dentist! Fight over my gums and plaque. For those of you who are interested, I'm sure my mouth will be a battleground to the death tonight. If it weren't so creepy, I might even install a microscopic camera so we could watch what's happening in my mouth, but I feel like the plaque might get camera shy. Hmm, then again, that's even more reason to do it. You might not feel like this is a big confession, but let me tell you, if someone wakes me up tomorrow morning, they'll have wished they read my blog.