This is a personal account and does not express the views of the US Peace Corps

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Life: Keeping Afloat

I know it's been a while since I wrote, but I really just have been so busy. I know everyone says that as an excuse, but I honestly feel more busy now than I think I ever felt at school. I'm sure that's not true, but it sure feels like it. I spend three days a week leaving my house sometime between 5:30 am and 9 am and not getting back till 2 am. Between work and school, I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself. Ugg, enough griping.
I had a great day today. I met up with a Peace Corps returner from Turkmenistan. We sat over lunch for 2 hours and I still feel like I have more questions than answers. The bottom line I took away though: this is going to be one crazy adventure.
My favorite part of the conversation was the KGB. She had been there in 2003, when the last dictator had created a country that was named "worse country to live in". She told me stories of the KGB reading her mail, opening her packages (which she only got a 1/3 of the time) and living with a constant KGB agent tail on her. Not openly of course, although she said that some of them were pretty obvious. She told me hilarious stories of being on the phone with family back home and as soon as she said something about the government, her phone line cut off. Her friend, who would call home and speak Chinese, would get cut off immediately because the guy tapping and monitoring her phone couldn't understand what she was saying.
Honestly, I feel like this is something out of "The Lives of Others", an amazing German movie about the restricted rights in West Berlin before the wall fell.
She told me horror stories of her host family stealing from her and hilarious stories of being stopped by customs because what was the equivalent of 5$ in manat looked like more than 10,000$ because it was so many bills. She painted this amazing picture for me of like and what it will be like there. But the first thing she said to me when I sat down was "Get rid of all expectations. You'll be lucky if you manage to even start a project, let alone finish one." Between the country being a bit behind the times and the government, I should expect to make no visible difference while I'm there.
This news was kind of shocking, my first question was about well, why would I go if I can't make a difference, but as we continued talking I understood. I shouldn't expect to leave Turkmenistan having made life better for people or having changed the way the health care system works or women's rights. What I think I can count on is making a dent in people's lives with presence, attention, and education.
It's always been my belief that it is possible to save the world with a smile. If someone had smiled at Hitler at just the right time and made him feel just a little bit more loved, maybe he wouldn't have that hate so deeply ingrained to start the movement that he did. If I can make one person's day a little bit better with a smile, why not? It doesn't cost me anything, except maybe a few calories which is all the more reason to. Katie's been walking around the house all evening practicing her Public Speaking speech for her final tonight and what kept jumping out at me was this story:
A man walked down to the Golden Gate Bridge and walked around for a few hours before jumping off and killing himself. When people went to his house later that day, they found a note that said "If one person smiles at me, I won't do it." He must have walked around that bridge and seen hundreds of people, and apparently not a single person smiled at him.
The point I'm getting at is that while I might not be changing the world one giant step at a time, I hope that I can impact a few people's lives, by befriending them, or showing them a new game, or teaching them something new that can improve their lives. I don't have these glorified ideas of what I can accomplish there. But maybe I can just make one person smile, who in turn makes another, who in turn makes another, and so on and so forth. Maybe I can help make one village one inkling happier.
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking, how cliche and naive I must sound. But, you know, I really do believe in a little going a long way. Maybe I am naive. Maybe this will be a good opportunity to learn about the world and how it "really" works. Who knows.

However, this is still months away. Right now, I'm sitting at my computer, MCAT books on either side of me, with an AMCAS book in front of me. I need to keep my perspective, Peace Corps is just a stepping stone. I have med school to prepare for, and the MCATs to study for.
And on that note, I look at the time and realize how late it is. MCAT class in the morning. I'm leaving this post feeling not entirely satisfied that I've finished it, thought it all the way through. Maybe I'll have more complete thoughts by the next time I post (much sooner hopefully). To all a good night and a smile.